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Mar. 1st, 2008

(no subject)

I’ve numbed myself just long enough to keep myself alive
But the solution ran out and here I sit and I feel the blood course through my veins again
I blame you for all my pain and tears
I blame myself for allowing you to get through and break down these walls
To puncture my veins and slip through like the drug I use to numb you out
It was never the right time to let go you told me
And once again I fell for the deception and opened myself up to you again
I’ve had enough of feeling you course through my veins
And I can’t take anymore of this pain
I cry so hard I can’t even catch my breath
I want you to know no matter how much I’ve numbed myself
No drug is strong enough to beat the disease
So ill bleed you out, and cut through the pathway
Stop the disease in its tracks and watch it flow down my skin

 

Feb. 26th, 2008

Bleed through

 Keeping the door open so I can peek through.
Wasn't it enough to know that I cared for you.
The blotting isn't stopping the bleeding
The pressure won't induce the healing.
Push it on me and I bleed harder.
Release the pressure and I die faster.
I need to know you're by me, need to feel you there beside me.
I see you, I feel you, but your still not with me.
Blinded again, Bleeding once more.
I feel the life drain from me, I wish you could save me,
but i know deep down inside your the one that needs the saving.
I'll put the pressure, I'll stop the bleeding.
I'll watch the wound scab and start the healing.
Don't worry about my cuts and bruises, 
no need to worry about what I've been through.
Keep me sade by letting me in. Open the door so I can peek through
I miss you, and it shows everytime I bleed through.

Breathable

I won't hurt you, but you don't believe that
I'm right by you but you can't feel that
Stuck inside each word you say but you can't seem to finish the sentence
Just end the statement. Finish me off. 
Write down your words on paper
and rip me up, each shred is another cut, diced into my heart.

Those eyes, behind them, is what haunts me.
Open up and my walls come down to violently.

I sit here and tell muself, just breathe.
But I'm choking, suffocating, each breath I take becomes restraining.

So breathe into me and save me
or rip the paper and desotry me.

Feb. 23rd, 2008

Snow-Fallen

I can hear the snow falling off the rooftops as it hits the ground.
Each time it hits, I step back into reality and realize that your not here with me.
I never thoguht that it would be like this, so cold and desolate without you here.
Missing you is hard but realizing your never coming back is harder.
Just like the snow on the rooftops, I am cold, and trying to hold on to something that will eventually let me go.
Just like the ground in which it hits, I fall just as hard, and slowly my hopes begin to melt away.

I miss you no matter how hard I try to forget you. I wished you were here a thousand times over. 
I think it's too late to try and revive you. You're too far gone now. 
The ice it flows through my veins on this cold winter day, and just like the snow....
You too shall melt away.

Sep. 29th, 2005

(no subject)

"and it's true i hurt to, remember i loved you....ive been abused, feel so used because of you... seems like all we had is over now, its left to rest"- hollywood undead

great band and great song
it means alot to me

Sep. 27th, 2005

i stole this from aimee i thoguht it was cool and very true

the truth about us girls.

- midol is like crack. end of story.

- we will never be too old for sleepovers.

- we arent ashamed to cry. even in front of you.

- we must go to the bathroom in groups or at least by 2's

- we have this thing called feelings. dont hurt them.

- theres no point in having an ex if you cant be a bitch to him.

- hoes over bros. and chicks over dicks. no questions asked.

-we dont wake up looking pretty. it takes time and effort.

- sometimes. [it is just never quite enough.]

- we need girls nights all the time, dont get mad.

- we hold grudges and we never forget the things you say to us
that hurt.

- it doesnt matter who dumped who or why. whenever we see an ex with another girl, it always bothers us. not because were not over you, but because we know we used to be that girl.

- makeup can hide so many things, like puffy eyes from crying to huge scars from a broken heart.

-dont try to lie, not matter what we will always find out one way or another.even if we dont tell you we know ( THIS ONE IS SOOO TRUE BOYS SO REMEMBER NO LIES)

- no guy wants to marry a whore. well, no girl wants to marry a whore either.

- never ever ask a girl what she weighs; or imply anything about her weight being too much or too little. just don`t do it.

- our eyes are located in our heads. not our chest or butt. when
youre not looking in our eyes, WE KN0W. seriously.

-when you compliment the girl you like to her friends and the friends know she likes you , then thats major bonus points, because they definetly do tell her, but also remember, they tell the bad stuff to

*-Don't ever ask a girl to be your girlfriend over the phone or computer. It just doesn't prove much. We don't care for it even though we sometimes say yes.

- when a girl says she misses you, she means it. don't say "sure" or "no you don't" because she shouldn't have to explain herself. just take the compliment because if you don't, she won't ever compliment you again because she'll think you can't handle it.

if you agree. repost and make the subject " the truth about us girls

Sep. 16th, 2005

well this time i'm not going to watch myself die

well i said i wasnt gonna give up on you, but i did, well one of you i did.
"Three tears I've saved for you.
Will you be my beloved?
Will you help me to get through?
Will you be my destruction?
Will you help me to be through?
~A.F.I.~
I guess you were my destruction.

"From the way that you acted
to the way that I felt it
It wasn't worth my time
and now it's sad cause all I missed
wasn't that good to begin with
and now that I've started you begging
saying things that you don't mean
it isn't worth my time
a line's a dime a million times
and I'm about to see all of them

Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you
~THE USED~
But i wont let u kill me

Jul. 12th, 2005

some quizzes i took

Info Black
Your Heart is Black


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla


Nihilist Bear
Nihilist Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


you smell like butt
congratulations. you are the "you smell like
butt" bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Jun. 1st, 2005

(no subject)

hey its me
im going to virginia tomorrow, im gonna miss my friend, i have an anxiety about leaving people. anyways ill have a good time once i stop thinking about it, but just in case someone, anyone, any loving soul wants to get in touch with me just call me on my cell, actually pleeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzze call me i beg u please please please, ok done now. the number is 917-670-8377 and i better not get any prank calls. i know problably one of my friends is going to see that i posted my number on here and yell at me and thats ok, ill deal with them yelling, cause im a big girl now. anyways, so i hope to hear from someone, im really missing seeing people at school its making me kinda depressed so someone call, please anyone.

k thanx see u all when i get back on sunday

May. 28th, 2005

stolen from liz who stole it from god knows who

t h e | b a s i c s
1. name: bobstino, stino or just plain justina
2. single or taken: single, sadly
3. sex: female
4. birthday: march 3, 1987
6. siblings: none
7. hair color: brown, has red highlights
8. eye color: brown, except when i tear then they are hazel
9. shoe size: 31/2-4
10. height: 4'10

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends?: kellina,natalie, sqaitlin
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no, single

f a s h i o n s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: anywhere and everywhere pretty much
2. any tattoos or piercings: 2 holes in each ear and i want a tattoo

s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: nope
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: dove
3. what are you most scared of?: alot of stuff, its really sad
5. who is the last person that called you?:umm, kellina i think
6. where do you want to get married?: a mansion somewhere
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 7
8. what would you change about yourself?:umm,i have to say my anger issues

f a v o r i t e s
1. color: black and red
2. food: chicken
3. boys names: brandon, andrew and gabriel
4. girls names: athena, lisa, annmarie,neveah
5. subjects in school: i hate school, but psych was pretty cool
6. animals: doggies and kitties and fishies and pretty much everything
7. sports: nothing, i hate all sports

h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: my baby cousin and my uncles dog
2. smoked?: nope
3. bungee jumped?: im afraid of heights so i dont think that would be a wise decision
4. made yourself throw up?: nope
5. skinny dipped?: hahahahha, funny
6: ever been in love?: yup once
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: not yet
8. pictured your crush(girlfriend or boyfriend) naked?: umm
9. actually seen your crush naked? hmmm
10. cried when someone died?: yes,i cry at everything
11. lied: yes, alot of times
12. fallen for your best friend?:yeh kinda, not my friend anymore tho
13. been rejected?: defintiley
14. rejected someone?: yup, in many ways
15. used someone?: or something? yup i used them to get me starbucks, kelly knows the story.
16. done something you regret?: yeh alot

c u r r e n t
clothes: jack and sally shirt and shorts
music: system of a down "forest"
make-up: mascara, eyeshadow, face makeup,eyeliner, the works
annoyance: a lot of things
smell: nothing
favorite group: group?
desktop picture: chino, one of our family dogs
in cd player: i have an ipod, i have 214 songs, its pretty pathetic
in dvd player: my first mister, dog the bounty hunter, pumpkin, soad cd and tbs cd, its a 6 disc dvd player
color of toenails: french


l a s t | p e r s o n
you touched: umm, i hugged my aunt before she left the house
hugged: my aunt
you imed:kellina
you yelled at:umm problalbly my grandma, not at her i yelled about something which i was talking to her about
you kissed: i kissed my aunt goodbye

a r e | y o u
understanding: yeh i guess in certain situations
open-minded: yup
arrogant: everyone is at some time
insecure: yup, im a 18 year old girl what do u expect
interesting: i hope so
random: yup
hungry: not really
smart: i guess so
moody: like i said im an 18 year old girl wat do u expect
hard:to deal with? sometimes
healthy: nope lol
shy: yup at times
difficult:in certain situations
attractive:i hope so, at least some days
bored easily: yes
messy: extremly
obsessed: yup with some things

r a n d o m
In the morning i am: pissed off
all i need is: music
love is:going to be the death of me
i dream about: things that dont come true

o p p o s i t e | s e x
what do you notice first: the hair
last person you slow danced with: at prom with my friend max
worst question to ask: i dunno, alot of questions are bad to ask
makes you laugh the most: when people are funny lol
makes you smile: when they care about u and want to know whats going on in your life
who do you have a crush on: its not really a crush

d o | y o u | e v e r
sit on the internet? i dont know if u can physically do that
special to im you?: what?
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: yeh sometimes
wish you were younger?: yup so i wouldnt have to deal with big problems
cried because someone said something to you?:yes, im extremly sensitive

n u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: a few, i guess 2, i really broke my own heart tho
of hearts i have broken: 1
of guys i've kissed: 2
of girls i've kissed: none
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: 3
of cds i own: 45 or so
of scars on my body: 5 or 6

f i n a l | q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like filling these out?: yeh im bored
2. gold or silver: silver.
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: ummm, oh i know, monster-in-law, pretty funny
7. favorite cartoon/anime?:i hate all anime, and i dont really liek cartoons
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?: gerard way, the lead singer of my chemical romance
11. could you live without your computer?:not really
12. would you color your hair?: i have, many of times
13. could you ever get off the computer?: yes, im not obsessed
14. habla espanol?: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: no clue
16: drink alcohol?: nope, dont like the taste

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